home... Last Thursday, Macy and I flew back home to Nebraska. Mike had bought me the ticket for Valentine's day but I had purposefully omitted mentioning it here because I wanted to surprise my friend, Jen, for her bachelorette weekend. And it worked.

We flew out of Shreveport and the flights went flawlessly. Macy slept a majority of the trip and I was lucky enough to sit between two sets of fellow passengers, each with portable DVDs and was able to simultaneously watch "Joy Ride" and "Dicky Roberts" from Dallas to Omaha.

My mom and step-dad were waiting for us I felt good but was starving but my mom, in her infinite wisdom, had the foresight to have a ham sandwich and a coke waiting for me in the car. From there we went to mom's where, after spending some time with little brother, Levi, we all slept.

Friday was spent at Grandma's in Lincoln. A few cousins and aunts stopped by for some Runza. Later that night I attended Jen's wine-tasting couple's shower and after that, a birthday party for my cousin.

Saturday I tried to relax as much as possible, but I was still tired as I drove towards Omaha for Jen's surprise bachelorette. I went up early to spend some time with a friend in LaVista where we had a couple drinks at the Thomasville Lounge. Later, I met up with the party at the Embassy Suites in the Old Market. From there we had drinks at The Upstream and then back to the hotel room where we all stayed up and talked until 3 am.

I was the last one up Sunday morning at 9:00. As the others headed down for breakfast, I opted, instead, to shower and hit the road back to my mom's. She had invited the entire family out and I knew I'd be eating all day. I was right. And I really, really loved seeing my family. Out of everything the move has brought to me, I still miss the family times the most. As Sunday night wore down, my little sis, Beki, and her hubby and daughter were the only ones left and it was nice to spend quality time with them.

Monday brought a 12:00 appointment for photographs. Macy and I had our picture taken together, Macy had some alone and with her cousin, Emah. We lunched at the mall (just like old times) with Grandma, mom, Levi, Beki and Emah.

That afternoon we packed up and Mom and John brought us to Mike's sister's in Omaha where we spent the remainder of our trip. We dined on Valentino's and Macy got a lot of time in the spotlight, being the youngest by far. We finally went to bed around 10:00 and morning came far too soon at 4:30. Our flight left at 6:30 and we arrived safely in Shreveport at 10:45. It was so good to see Mike waiting for us. I missed him even more than I expected to. I realized that even though I had a lot of fun over the weekend, it would have been more fun with him along, too. I guess that's just one of the many signs of being in love.

I was so happy to be able to go back for Jen and to see my family, but there were some friends that I really wanted to see but just didn't have the time. We'll be driving back in May for a week for a wedding and a graduation. Mike hopes to get a fishing trip in with friends and I'm hopeful to see a few friends that I wasn't able to this time...

dinner club, shopping and sailing away... Last night Mike and I played host to our dinner club. Mike made beer-in-the-butt chicken and ribs in the smoker. Oh so delicious!!! Unfortunately, half of the 16-member group couldn't make it, but the remaining intimate group of eight had a great time eating, drinking and playing Battle of the Sexes. I think the girls won, but not sure since both teams made habits of stealing cards from time to time. It was all part of the fun.

Today I had some me-time at the mall while Mike and Macy bonded at home. I was disappointed to find that none of my favorite stores really had much that I wanted. I ended up spending most of my money at Target, as usual.

Later this afternoon, the three of us took the 15 minute trip to our boat slip on Lake Palestine and took a two-hour leisurely ride around the lake. We'd been out once before this year with the Schwartz's but at the time Macy wasn't feeling the best. This time, however, she did so much better. When she wasn't trying out her sea legs and walking around the boat, she liked sitting on my lap and looking for birds and ducks. When she did see them, she'd say "bu!" or "Duk!" respectively, followed by "hiiiiiii!" At one point, she got on her hands and knees, crawled to a couple towels laying under the passenger seat, laid down on them and fell asleep. The motion of the boat seemed to relax her.

i'm a mom... I've been having some really nice days in my life recently. I'm not talking about the weather, although it has been wonderful, but more about my days in the life of Mollie. I must say I'm beginning to feel more content than I thought I was before. But a couple weeks ago, this wasn't the case. Let me digress..

On the second day that I took Macy to the gym with me, she screamed when I left her in the daycare, and, I'm told, she did not stop crying the whole time I was gone. This is very, very uncharactaristic of her and I did try it again the next two days with the same results. Now, even though I did sign a contract, I don't have the heart to go back. I refuse to put her in a place that upsets her just so I can have my 30 minutes on the treadmill. So one part of me - strong mom; the other - an out of shape girl who really wants those 30 minutes! But the priority is - the mom. For several days, I felt very unsettled. I was in some sort of turmoil and I began to really try to figure out what these feelings were all about. As I sat and thought, a single phrase effortlessly darted through my mind, clearly and loudly. That phrase was this... you are a mom. It was so simple and, like, duh! But I immediately felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I began to feel better. I didn't realize it, but I'm still in transition into motherhood. I had been trying to hold on to my old life, even though it was time to move on into a new and more meaningful one. Before my mind gave me that magical phrase, there was a part of me with thoughts such as "I need to go tan" "I should go to the gym" "who can I get to watch Macy so I can have a day of shopping?" These "priorities" were from my past and sorely conflicting with the here and now. My priorities have changed. My life is no longer all about me, doing whatever I want, whenever I wan. My priorities now are being a mom and a wife, while still taking care of myself. There are some things I may not be able to do on a regular basis anymore. But the priority is - I'm the mom.

And as if sent as a sign, my very own mom's surprise visit was that very night. During her four-day stay, besides journeys around Tyler and to Shreveport, we spent our time doing did "mom" things like making a meatloaf and rolls and pulling weeds in the yard. And it felt good. I liked having her to myself for a change.

So in the days since, I have been peaceful and calm inside and out. I keep finding new pleasure and joy in my life as a stay-at-home mom. I'm wondering if I even want to go back to school, but I know I will nonetheless and, once there, will be newly inspired. I do know myself.

And, since seeing The Passion , I have a renewed interest in biblical stories, specifically, the teachings of Jesus, and I have been reading the New Testament to see what other things I missed. There really is something calming about that.

surprise!.. My mom and step-dad came into town Wednesday night. It was a total surprise to me!! Don't have much time now, but I'll update later...

... I did like the club and will probably join. Membership fees were less than expected, although I was expecting the worst. It had a "spa" feel to it, which was nice. I think Macy had fun in the baby room, even though she looked a little worried when I left. They had monitors throughout the club where you could look in on them. Each time I looked, she was crawling through or climbing over some jungle toys.

I spent the rest of yesterday afternoon up in the attic. There have been a few lost boxes of books that I've been wanting to find and I found two of them. I also spent some time organizing. When I was finished I was dripping with sweat because it gets so hot up there even though it's been in the humid 70's here for the past few days.

ready to go!.. Once Macy wakes up from her nap this morning, I'm going to head into town and check out Premier Fitness healthclub. I have a free pass. I'm hoping to start a work-out routine of some sort soon, and Premier is supposed to have great group fitness classes and an awesome daycare, I'm told. Man, I haven't worked out forev!!! Could that explain my frequent blahs? Anyway, I'm pretty excited and hope the membership fees aren't too outrageous so I can justify joining if I like it. We'll see...

the passion of the christ... Mike and I attended this movie last night with two other couples. It was one of the hardest things I've ever watched. I must admit, I spent a lot of the time with my hand over my face, crying... and praying. And when it ended, the packed theatre was silent. I have never left a movie in such utter speechlessness. And when I looked up at the faces of the other movie-goers, I saw a mirror of the tears and extreme sadness that I, myself, was feeling.

Once outside, besides Eric's comment, "that was a tough one," and our simultaneous, quiet responses, "yeah," we did not talk. We simply said our goodbye's and walked to our cars. And at home, I looked differently at Mike's crucifix that has always hung in our bedroom. And I'm not ashamed to say that I spent most of the night in silent prayer, thanking Jesus for all he did for us, and begging forgiveness that I've been so long ignorant of his story. I grew up knowing the story, yes. I learned in my little Lutheran Sunday school class that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. But dying on the cross is a far cry from the true story.

This movie is personal for everyone, it has to be. But what I took away was this: Love. Jesus endured endless torture for the simple hope that we all love one another. It is simple, yet it is profound. Why can't I hate my enemies? Because one of the many messages from Jesus is that there is more reward in loving them. I've always loved Jesus so much. There have been times when I've been at my lowest and I've seen him in others. Those times have given me the best feeling in the world. I've also always had respect for the stories of the Bible, although I can't say I truly believe all of them. A lot of them, to me, are fables. Stories. Tales to teach us about ourselves and our power and lack of power. But for some reason the stories of Jesus have always been true. They have to be because without the hope his stories bring, life wouldn't be worth living.

Today my ups and downs seem so irrelevant.

ups and downs... Since I last wrote, I've been going through more ups and downs than I'm used to. I'm chalking it all up to hormones, though, because my doc says it'll take a bit for my system to get back to normal. I had yet another blood draw today to check my levels and hopefully the'll be back to normal. I've had some pretty severe cases of the tireds, too.

The inlaws were here over the weekend and left early this morning. I must admit I was sad to see them go and felt a little depressed again this morning because it was so nice having family here. On Friday when they came in, I took them to Mike's office for a tour of the place. That night we ate catfish and shrimp at Vaughn's Seafood. Saturday, we all took Macy to her first "Splash Babies" session. Basically, it's swimming lessions for babies. She's in the 6 to 24 month group and she was a star. She loved being in the water and wasn't scared at all. I was scared to dunk her under, but she came out smiling and wanting to do it again. She even jumped willingly off of the edge. Afterwards, we took the inlaws to Canton and dined that evening at Mario's. Excellante!! Sunday was spent on a leisurely drive of the area. We drove to Lake Palestine and wanted to go to the Lookout in Jacksonville, but it was rainy and dreary so we couldn't see much. That night Mike grilled out a couple of the Nebraska ribeye's his parents brought us. It was nice having good steak again. I can't really say much for the Texas beef.

Tonight, we're going to The Passion with two other couples. Macy gets to go to a dance recital with her sitter, so we should all have fun...